The All-American Girl

Google the term "All-American Girl". What do you find? Pictures of Carrie Underwood, Lauren Conrad, Reese Witherspoon, and if you scroll down far enough you may inexplicably stumble upon a picture of Lindsay Lohan's side boob. What about Wikipedia? What does our information go-to say about it? It equates all-American with the "girl next door" stereotype of unassuming femininity and wholesomeness.

To summarize, to be that All- American Girl all I need is:

• Blond Hair- Preferably with Ringlets
• Sun-Kissed Skin
  
• Dimples, Freckles, or Both
• Unassuming Femininity
• Wholesome Attitude
• 1000-Kilowatt Smile
  

Where does that leave me?

• I'm not blond (with the exception of a major judgment lapse in high school), instead God blessed me with the raven, lifeless hair of a troll that refuses to hold a curl for more than thirty seconds.
• Sun-kissed tan? I wish. Instead, my tripolar epidermis jumps erratically between ghostly pale, lobster red and an inappropriately ethnic tan.
• Negative on the dimples, but I do have a light spray of freckles. But these aren't the cute freckles across a button nose, instead they look like something in need of microdermabrasion.
  
• I live next door to someone, sure, but I am no "girl-next-door".
  
• I don't really understand the term "unassuming femininity". I think most people assume I'm female-and I'd rather it stay that way. But if we're talking that wholesome "I don't know I'm beautiful but I am" charm, I don't have it. I know when I look good, and I know when I don't. And I make sure everyone around me knows it too. If you got it flaunt it. If you don't--write a blog about it.
• Wholesome? This is tough. I'm a stickler for family values and have a conservative, traditional sense of what is and is not appropriate. But--I can drink like a fish, swear like a sailor, and put fun in dysfunctional. All in all, I have my own very specific moral code (often called hypocrisy) and it often borders the less-than-wholesome.
• The smile? Well, that I have. Though with the lack of anything else on the list, what is there to smile about?
  

I'd venture to say most American girls don't meet this checklist. I'd also be willing to bet that most Americans don't really consider this the ideal. If I'm wrong, let me know.

Forget the melting pot, most urban Americans know that we live in a mixed salad society. Our diversity is our greatest strength and all that rhetoric. All-American has evolved since 1950. Time and time again political newscasters talk about what "real Americans want" with the insinuation that city-folk, or people outside of this cookie-cutter stereotype aren't real Americans. Doesn't that trivialize everyone involved?

What is an All-American girl? Every face of every girl in America is All-American.

Ok, I will spare you. I'll take a step down from my soap box made of cheese. You've escaped mostly unscathed--this time.